What Do I Do With This Anger?

I was watching How I Met Your Mother the other day and Ted, after being left at the altar by his fiance, said this: "Kids, you might think that the only thing you can do with your anger is shove it down or throw it in someone's face. But there's a third option. You can let it go."

There are many reasons we get angry. Your boss has had it in for you from day one and his actions are completely unfair. Someone you thought was your friend betrayed you. The people around you are fake, hypocritical, rude, or just plain annoying. You've been lied to. You've been rejected. Your boyfriend or girlfriend used you. That girl over there has an easy life while you consistently struggle. It's so easy to take that anger and throw it in someone's face or badmouth them or get revenge. Or maybe you just hold it inside and let it burn you up. I myself have experienced many of the things I just listed and I know how easy it is to be bitter and angry.

Why is it important to let go of anger? James 1:20 says this: "For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life God desires." We cannot please God when our heart is filled with anger for other people. So how can we begin to let it go?

In Psalm 78 it explains how the Israelites lied to God. They flattered him with their lips but they were unfaithful to him. God was angry and punished them (this was righteous anger) but verse 38-39 says this: "Yet [God] was merciful; he forgave their iniquities and did not destroy them. Time after time he restrained his anger and did not stir up his full wrath. He remembered that they were but flesh, a passing breeze that does not return." When we are not faithful to God he gets angry. And rightfully so. Yet time after time after time God remembers that we are only human and he forgives us.

Jesus himself was rejected by the friends he loved dearly. Everyone abandoned him. He was mocked, beaten, and spit on. He was hurt and no doubt he was angry. But he still willingly died for those same people that hurt him. He even prayed to God: "Forgive them, they know not what they do."

The first step in letting go of anger is realizing what God has done for us time and time again. This humbles us and makes us realize we are all imperfect humans who need grace. When I realize how much grace God has given me, I can turn around and share that grace with my fellow humans because we all make mistakes and we all need mercy.

Forgiveness doesn't mean we have to trust that person again. It doesn't mean that the person who messed up doesn't have to face consequences. It simply means that we can let go of the anger that is haunting us and keeping us from living the kind of life God desires. This is my prayer today. 

Life Isn't Fair

One of the first lessons we learn as kids is this: life isn't fair. I think we are born with an innate desire for justice. Then at some point something happens that makes us say, "But that's not fair!" and the resounding answer is always the same: "Life isn't fair."

This lesson only gets reinforced as we grow older. Evil people get rich and powerful and all their dreams come true. Good people are poor and tortured with disease and die young. On a smaller scale we look at those around us and wonder why it seems everything comes so easy to them while we struggle.

Recently a fire just outside my city has destroyed thousands of acres of land and many homes.

I was watching coverage of the fire on the news and heard one woman who had been evacuated from her home say that God had spared her home from being destroyed. Maybe this is the wrong way for me to look at her statement but I couldn't help thinking "Why would God spare her home and let hundreds of others be destroyed? What makes her so special? Did she just pray harder than everyone else?" I'm inclined to think that God didn't spare her home and he didn't destroy all those other homes. Bad stuff just happens in this world because this is an imperfect world.

I can't pretend to have the answer to the "life isn't fair" issue. It really bothers me actually. The only thing I can say is that this world has bad, evil stuff in it and life is just not that great sometimes. I guess that's why we should focus on eternal things. We should build up for ourselves treasure in heaven.

We are so focused on earthly things that I think we forget that God is not focused on earthly things. He always has in mind what is most important: that which is spiritual, that which is eternal, our sanctification, and our reconciliation so we can be with him someday.

Yes, God wants us to be happy on earth. He wants to give us good gifts and answer our prayers and fulfill our desires. But we forget that our happiness on earth is never, ever God's ultimate goal. If God had to choose betweeen something bad happening to us on earth in order for us to be brought closer to him and us always getting what we want at the cost of forgetting about him, he would chose the first one every time. I find this strangely comforting. It's not that God doesn't care when bad stuff happens. He just has much higher and more important goals in mind.

We need to align our goals and our purpose with God's. Things on this earth will matter much less when we look at the big picture. Our lives are short. They are like a mist. What can we do on this earth that will matter for eternity? When we compare something like getting a promotion to saving a lost soul, what do you think matters more to God? How can you make what matters to God matter to you?

It's true, life isn't fair. It's also not fair that Jesus had to die. We will never deserve what Jesus did for us. But fair or not, God wants to be with us. He will do whatever he can to accomplish that goal. In the end it will all be worth it.

  

Lover of the Lonely

I have felt rejection in my life

Loneliness, betrayal

The emptiness of knowing

You are not wanted

You are not accepted

You are not one of us.

But you Oh Lord,

You felt this all the more

You were despised by men

You were abandoned by your friends

Denied

Abused

Hurt

They all have rejected you.

And I too have denied you

Hurt you

I turned my back on you.

Yet you still love me

Nothing I do will ever sway you

You are relentless.

Where do I turn when I feel alone?

I turn to the lover of the lonely.

Where do I turn if all have left me?

When no one wants me?

When people hurt me?

To the giver of peace

To the holder of light

The one who never sleeps.

You look for me when I am lost

You fight for me when I am weak

You hurt when you see me cry.

I will never deserve you

Yet your love is eternal.

Once rejected

Forever honored

King of Kings

Keeper of my heart.

You are all I need

And my thirst shall be quenched.

Obsession

It's interesting to me to think about what draws me to certain things and not others. Sometimes I am so drawn to something that I become almost obsessed with it. I'll just be really into something for a period of time (sometimes a long time and sometimes a short time). I'll think about it, write about it, watch it, read it, research it, whatever. Here are just a few examples of things I've been "caught up in" in the past:

I've visited fan pages, written fan fiction, bought memorbilia, bought DC clothes, re-watched episodes or movies many times, and read random facts about these things. While I never stopped liking any of these things (especially Lord of the Rings, Tolkien and Peter Jackson you are awesome), the preoccupation with them did fade. And I'm not saying there's something wrong with being a huge fan of something. It's really fun actually. What I want to ask is this: what if I was this obsessed about Jesus? How can I become this obsessed about Jesus?

We know that we are to love God with all of our heart, soul, and mind. We know we are to love Jesus more than anything in this world, including our own family! And being obsessed with Jesus involves more than just being his fans; it involves the way we live our lives. It should penetrate everything we do.

When you're obsessed with something you obviously think about it all the time. Remember when you first started falling in love with that special someone. You thought about that person when you went to bed at night, when you woke up, and probably throughout the day. This is how much Jesus wants us to desire him. Maybe you're not at that level with Jesus. But if you make it a point to pray, read the Bible, and talk with other Christians daily, your love for Jesus grows and the relationship gets stronger. You start to think about him more and yourself less. As the obsession grows you want to do what Jesus desires because you love him. You're too busy serving him to consider sinning.

When I see people who are on fire for God I am amazed and I want to be like them. This obsession may not happen overnight but it will change your life. That's what I want. So while it's ok that I may always be the #1 fan of some movie or show or book, above all I want to be completely focused and preoccupied with Jesus.

  

All I Want is Happiness!

What is our ultimate goal in this life? If you're a Christian you might answer that question in many different ways. You might say our goal is to glorify God or spread the gospel. But if we take an honest look at ourselves, at our thoughts and the way we live, would our true goal be these things? Based on the desires we most often pursue, our true ultimate goal is most likely happiness. Everybody wants to be happy. That's why the American Dream is to have 2.5 kids with a big house, successful career, and a nice car. It's why we always want that one more thing that will finally make us happy. If only I had _________ I would be happy. We pursue happiness at all costs. That's why we get jealous. That's why I ask myself questions like these: "Why did God allow me to get Lupus? Why do other people seem to have it so much easier? Why is it easier for others to be happy? It's not fair."  Why does God allow bad things to happen? Why are some people dealt worse cards than others? These are not easy questions to answer. But I think one part of it is that God sees our lives differently than we do. He sees the big picture. He has a different goal in mind than our happiness.

Wait a minute, are you saying God doesn't care if I'm happy or not? No, God delights in us and loves us and cares about us. He doesn't want to see us hurting. But there are other things more important to God than our happiness. God wants to make us holy. God wants to transform us into new creations. Will we ever change if our lives are only ease and comfort? Will we truly experience God's presence if we never face pain? 

God wants us to relentlessly pursue him, not happiness. He wants a close relationship with us and every relationship needs events that bring the two closer together. Many people in the Bible faced trials of every kind. David was constantly under attack from his enemies. He wrote many Psalms asking God, "Why have you forsaken me?" But he kept his faith and praised God through the storms. Someday we will be with God and there will be no more trials. Until then we should be content with the good things God has blessed us with on earth. And we must remember, life is not about happiness. Life is about God: loving him, serving him by loving others. That should be our ultimate goal and purpose. Really, if you let go of the idea that you are entitled to a perfect life, you will experience greater peace. True joy comes from knowing Jesus and the hope he gives. 

    

God's Plan for Our Lives: Part 3

God has a good plan for your life. But he doesn’t expect you to figure it out beforehand. In fact, he doesn’t want you to worry about the future; he wants you to seek first his kingdom and all that you need will be given to you (Matthew 6:25-34). God’s will for our lives is found in his word. Look again at 1 Thessalonians 4:3 “For this is the will of God, your sanctification.” God’s will for us is to live holy, set apart lives. So as DeYoung says, when it comes to making decisions, “God wants you to buy a house that will make you holy. If you get married he wants you to get married so you can be holy. He wants you to have a job that will help you grow in holiness.” God does not want you to delay making decisions because you are waiting for a sign from him to tell you what to do. This creates passivity. We float around never really taking risks or committing to anything, and we confuse this with being spiritual because we claim to be waiting to hear from God. Really God just wants you to get out there in the world and obey him.

The following are a few tools that aren’t necessarily wrong, but that people can misuse. The first is open doors. When we speak of God opening a door it means God has given us an opportunity. When we speak of God closing a door it means he has taken away an opportunity. This is fine when we see the open door as an opportunity to do something we already know is good such as sharing the gospel with a neighbor or taking a job to feed your family. But people can use this language of open doors to be lazy and take the easy way out. DeYoung uses the example of putting your resume on Monster.com but then when no one responds you say, “God just isn’t opening any doors.” My response to that person would be, “Maybe you need to knock.” In other words, instead of waiting for God to miraculously cause an employer to show up at your door, maybe you should take your resume to different places around town and make some phone calls. DeYoung also mentions a man who is having marriage troubles. He knows he should spend time with his wife to work out their problems, but God “opened a door” for him to take a job that requires a lot of traveling. DeYoung sums it up well: “If God opens the door for you to do something you know is good or necessary, be thankful for the opportunity. But other than that, don't assume that the relative ease or difficulty of a new situation is God's way of telling you to do one thing or the other. Remember, God's will for your life is your sanctification, and God tends to use discomfort and trials more than comfort and ease to make us holy.”

The next tool is fleece. This is in reference to the story of Gideon in the Bible who layed out a piece of fleece and asked God to give him a sign by making the fleece wet with dew. Now, just because Gideon did this doesn’t mean we should. For one, Gideon didn’t have a Bible. For another thing, in the book of Judges “everyone did what was right in their own eyes.” Not the best example for us today. Now I admit that I have been guilty of asking God to give some sort of sign. Someone might pray, “God, if none of my professors give me homework then I will know you are telling me to go on this date. But if they do give homework, I won’t go.” The problem is, this gets dangerously close to testing God which we are commanded not to do.

The next tool that can be dangerous is flipping to a random Bible verse. Now, God can and does direct us to verses that we need to hear. For example, maybe you are struggling with pornography and during your daily Bible reading you come across a verse about purity and you are convicted. Those are great moments. The problem comes when, for one, you put greater stock in the word when it is read randomly than when it is read chapter by chapter day by day, and two, when Bible verses are taken out of context just so they can be applied to your situation. This is when you make verses say things they were never intended to say. There is a joke about a man who is going through a hard time so he flips open his Bible and his eyes fall on Matthew 27:5 where it says Judas went and hanged himself. Not satisfied, the man randomly flips open to Luke 10:37. It says, “You go and do likewise.” Obviously we must look at verses in context and see if we can really apply them to our situation.

The next tool is impressions or gut feelings. Now we make decisions based on a feeling all the time and this is not wrong. In fact it can be very good if your gut is telling you to do something you know is right such as giving to a homeless person. However, we shouldn’t assume the gut feeling is from God. Impressions are impressions. If a thought or feeling pops into your head, even if it’s while you are reading Scripture, don’t assume it is a voice from heaven. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. How can you really know? The point is, listen to that gut feeling or don’t listen to it, but don’t make it an extra-special factor in your decision-making and don’t assume you have to have a peaceful, easy feeling before you can make up your mind. Decisions are often scary and you don’t have to feel an absolute calm in order to be making a good decision. Even if you pray about something you may still feel anxious about it because it is a difficult task but you know it is the right thing to do. Conversely, if you pray about something and then feel a sense of peace, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are making the right decision; it may mean you want something so badly you deceive yourself into thinking the Lord is answering you according to your wishes. You have to use sober judgment.

So how does God guide us? Can we look to him for help in decision-making? Of course. Hebrews 1:1-2 is a key text in understanding how God guides. It says, “In the past God spoke to our ancestors through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom also he made the universe.” The first part of this passage explains that God can speak to people in many different ways. The second part says that today he speaks to us through his Son. How does he speak through his son? God speaks by his Son through his Spirit in the Scriptures. And the Bible is not dead. It is called the living word. That means that the Spirit continues to speak through it. So if we want to hear from God, we can look to the Scriptures where God’s Spirit is still actively speaking.

Now you may be asking, what about the book of Acts? There are many examples there where God shows up and tells people where to go and what to do by means other than the Scriptures. I wondered about this too and it’s true. God spoke to people through visions, angels, audible voices, and prophets predicting the future. What we need to understand though is that these examples are not meant to be the normal pattern for our lives. Yes, God did speak directly to Paul and tell him exactly what to do. But most of the time Paul made decisions like the rest of us. Look at just one example in Acts 20:16, “Paul had decided to sail past Ephesus to avoid spending time in the province of Asia, for he was in a hurry to reach Jerusalem, if possible, by the day of Pentecost.” Paul simply decided what to do.  

Should we be suspicious when someone says God spoke to them? Not necessarily. God definitely has the power to do that. But it is an extraordinary experience and we shouldn’t consider it the norm. Special revelation was a rare and unique experience even for Paul and we cannot take special circumstances and make them the norm by which we live our lives.

I do want to mention that I believe fully that the Holy Spirit lives in us and helps teach us and direct us. I am simply pointing out that special revelation such as a voice from the heavens is an experience that is possible but not the normal way God guides us.  

So how can we make a decision with God’s guidance? We must seek wisdom. The first step is to read God’s word. Now if you’re trying to figure out which job to take the Bible is obviously not going to say “Thou shall take the cashier position at King Soopers.” And it’s not going to tell you “Thou shall marry Susan Smith.” God doesn’t work that way. God gives us freedom. But the Bible does speak about working. It says to provide for your family and to work for God’s glory. And the Bible says a lot about marriage such as how we should marry another Christian.

The next step is to seek advice. We need other Christians. Ask your friends if the job or girl seems right for you. Ultimately the decision is yours but we should be willing to listen to others and be teachable (that means maybe changing your mind about something you thought to be true). God does speak through other people. Have you ever been struggling with something and then heard a sermon on that exact subject? If you seek wise counsel, you may hear God's voice speaking through them.

The next step is prayer. But instead of praying, “God tell me what do” ask God for things like the right motives, wisdom, and honesty. If you are going for a job interview ask God to show you what that work environment would really be like and ask him to show the employers what you are really like. If you are dating someone ask God to help you be in honest in who you are and for the ability to really get to know who the other person is.

If we are Christians who are continually immersing ourselves in Scripture, seeking advice, and praying, it is very likely that we will automatically make wise decisions. If we ask for wisdom and seek it, we will find it. Wisdom is not just little quips and advice. It is a way of life. It is living a God-fearing life. Conversely, a fool is not a moron. A fool is someone who follows his own ways instead of God’s ways.  

The next step is to make the decision. Don’t be passive or paralyzed with indecision. Too many people are looking for that one job that will fulfill their life’s purpose rather than realizing we can find purpose in every kind of work. Too many are delaying marriage because “what if she’s not the one?” Yes, in God’s providence he has the right person already picked out for you. But don’t get paralyzed in fear searching for the one person in the world you’re supposed to be with. The truth is, there are many good Christian guys and gals out there that you could build a happy, successful marriage with. Marriage takes work no matter who you marry and it should be held together with commitment not with a sense that the person is your soul-mate because that sense could fall apart.

I hope this study has helped you think about some things like it has done for me. I recommend reading “Just Do Something” by Kevin DeYoung because he says it way better than me and goes into more depth. Questions and comments are welcome!    

God's Plan for Our Lives: Part 2

In my last blog post, I introduced the concept of God’s will of direction. When faced with a decision such as which job to take or where to live, we want to know what God’s will is. But we need to stop looking at God’s will as a target. We worry if we don’t hit the center, we’re not in God’s will. God is not a magic 8 ball. God’s will is not a maze in which there is only one way out. How scary a thought to be at a fork in the road and to think that if you don’t choose the right path you will forever mess up God’s plan for you. God does not have a secret will of direction that he expects you to figure out before it happens.

So why do so many seek this secret will of God? For one, we all want to please God. So it’s natural for us to want to know what God thinks every time a decision must be made. But a lot of times it is because we are timid or afraid. We don’t want to take a risk and make the wrong choice, so we do nothing and just say we are waiting for God to reveal his will. It is also because we want perfect fulfillment. We want everything we do to be perfectly fulfilling: our job, our marriage, our vacations, where we live, our hobbies. The fact is, we would probably be more fulfilled if we didn’t focus so much on everything being perfect. If you were to ask your grandfather if he was fulfilled in his job, he probably wouldn’t understand what you meant. In those days, they worked to feed their families and that was that. Our generation also has way too many choices. It used to be that you lived where you were born (it was too hard to travel anywhere too far), you did the job that your father did (most likely farming), and you married one of the eligible men or women in town (there were probably around a dozen choices). Now we have such an infinite amount of choices, it actually keeps us from committing. So we float from one thing to the next. We are never satisfied with our job or our boyfriend or our town because what if there is something better out there? I’m guilty of this too.

So what’s wrong with trying to figure out God’s will of direction? For one, it causes us to focus on nonmoral decisions. The Bible doesn’t tell us whether we should live in Montana or Nebraska. It is much more important to God that we are following his will of desire (his commands that are clearly laid out in his word). So as long as you are obeying God, you can obey in Maine or Michigan. As long as you are following Jesus, you can follow as a doctor or a farmer. As long as you are doing what the word says (and you are not unequally yoked), you can marry Tim or Joe. We must remember what is important to God and not overspiritualize every decision.

Another problem is that if God has a secret will of direction that we must figure out, it means he is a sneaky God. There are definitely mysteries that we may never figure out, but God does not hide truth from us. In this conventional way of looking at God’s will, it implies not only that God hides the truth but that he expects us to find it. Isn’t it much better to believe that God tells us everything we need to know? No guessing or visions required.

Another problem with this view of God’s will is that it makes us focus on the future. Anxiety is living out the future before it gets here. God doesn’t want us to be anxious. He holds the future in his hands; he wants us to trust him. We would all be happier if we focused less on the future. Worry is the opposite of faith.

The next problem is that this view takes the blame off of ourselves. It takes away accountability. Have you ever heard of a girl breaking up with a boy because she felt the Spirit telling her to? That poor guy, not only did he get rejected by her, but he also got rejected by the Spirit! If you feel you should break up with someone do it, but don’t blame God.

Finally, this view of God’s will is subjective. I’m going to quote directly from DeYoung: “I’m not saying subjective decisions are wrong. We make decisions based on a ‘feeling’ all the time. But a subjective divining of God’s will should not be your decision-making process. It’s a dead-end street. How do you know when an open door is the Lord’s open door or the Devil tempting you? How do you know when a closed door is the Lord’s answer to your prayer or the Lord testing your steadfastness and resolve? These are the conundrums people get into when all their decisions come from subjective attempts to discern God’s will for their lives.”

The truth is God tells us what his will for our lives is. It’s right there in the Bible. Look at 1 Thessalonians 4:3, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Colossians 1:9-12, Romans 8:28-29. Simply put God’s will for us is to be more and more Christlike daily.

In my next blog post I will discuss tools people misuse to determine God’s will and also a better way that God guides us (wisdom through his word!).